blue, 2008, main

life is short

love like no tomorrow

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I can't help falling in love with...
blue, 2008, main
... trainwrecks.

You want what out of life? Honestly, I can't tell.

Maybe it's because I empathize. I'm naturally strung out, crazy, neurotic, bipolar, indecisive, sensitive, insecure, and emotional. And I seem to be drawn toward people who are just as... well, crazy, I guess.

I have this weakness for wanting to help anyone who unloads any sort of blatantly obvious and oversized insecurity at me, this hopeless desire to fix them, make them feel normal, as I, myself, have struggled with a lot of issues with confidence and insecurities.

What I keep finding out, though, is where I really am fighting toward a normal, boring life back, these people I become obsessed with helping, who swear they seek calmness and peace, are actually happier in their merry little world of chaos.

... maybe because they can control chaos over calmness? Pretty sure I've been there.

In the end, though, I always get hurt.

I found myself coaching a young man on this just yesterday... you can't program yourself to chase disaster. You fantasize about tragedy because it's all you know, and if you glamorize it, you inevitably bring tragedy to all your relationships, maybe because, subconsciously, you believe you deserve it. You should work to change that.

I seem to chase people who are broken, desperate to fix them. Maybe somewhere inside I feel like it'll make me fix myself.

Posted via LjBeetle


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